Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. . Were communicating better but no changes to our sex life even though he has plenty of blue pills. A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. In the end, she doesnt want it and I have stopped caring. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. Theres always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. Still in love with Vicky. No, on a serious note, it wasnt something to have posted here. Women fall in love with their husbands have kids and having kids taking care of the kids 99.99% and working full time or taking some class to better your job. If Im doing the very best I can and feeling pretty good about things, ITS NEVER ENOUGH. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. Shes always saying how bad she feels about it but but never offers to do anything. Hello David, You say you dont know if youre doing foreplay right. Thats great but what about the man? })(); My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? It is more like a revenge. And I suffer. I so desired to be held, touched, kissed deeply and often, all the things that love should be about, but it wasnt to be. Oh stfu. He spent 100.00 on his mother as he forgot to get her a card why cant he forgive me ? Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. I like to think there is hope but unsure. In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Maybe we should start a group. If you have gone through months or years of being patient with your wife and still arent feeling physically connected, it may be time for marital counseling. You can usually put these triggering events into two main categories. That partner depriving you of that intimacy does not give a damn what you do just as long as you do not bother them about it or it interferes with their favorite TV show! I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. To some it may even taste nasty. As we age we need to look at things with a different perspective. I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. Maddening! Post-menopausal sex, for many women, is a meal offering little flavour or nutrition. Should a wife forsake any of these advantages for the principle of equality? Subscribe now (do it here) and dont miss a single column. Also from a masculine point view primordial guttural sex that is still controlled contributes to female orgasim. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. Im just sad and trying to figure things out. If that is in fact part of the problem, then there nothing that I can do or hope to do. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. Women want to be swept off their feet. You can be honest while also being flexible and compassionate. I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. I guess I must count my blessings. My sex drive is strong but now my boyfriend, who is 5 years older than me, is on hypertension medicine and his testosterone is on the last number of normal. She put in over $300K on our $1M house and I told her we may need to sell it when my youngest graduates high school. With my wife it was menopause. This is a huge problem, how can I live with someone who feels this way? We are 64 and 66 age, with my wife having a mitral valve replaced 30 years ago from childhood rheumatic fever and poor medical care, after our son was 6 years old. I wish we were closer because I would love to meet you. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. I know that feeling of the Phone etc being more important. Christi do us a favor and explain what you are talking about. I am 52, married for 25yrs and sex has dwindled down to once every year or two. An emotional affair or even a one-night stand that you think your wife doesnt know about? Sharing your desires is essential, as is listening to her needs. NO! While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy. Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail. What we have Ive worked very hard to achieve. so that leaves to so totally frustrated angry resentful and I hate to say it but it is beginning to I think turn to I hate her. I really miss a girlfriend I used to have who loved giving me oral sex. We are starting to fight a lot and twice I heard him on the phone throwing me under the bus to someone. Where is my man who would COOK, and have me for dessert?CLEAN! It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. I just cant keep going like this. If your wife seems distant, take a step back to analyze where you may have gone wrong or why you feel like she cannot trust you again. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. Really? We dated for 30 years and finally got married. It is a great resource for relationship help. Most men do their deed and roll over. Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. Thomas, I agree! A year or two is nothing. Also, look into the idea of responsive desire and make sure you understand it. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! The comments given above is very true. Cancer is pretty much a death sentence. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. I used to ride, but geez that gets old and is still a problem because of the size and lack of hardness. After chemo and radiation, they put her on hormone suppression drugs, which reduced her libido a lot. Glenn, as a man to another man; its time to let that person go. I just dont understand. The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. You're focusing too much on just the sexual aspect of . Is the meds freak Im a woman that actually wants it my newlywed husband has no interest but I can tell he feels bad but hes ex military so hes to prideful to get pills Im 41 i been told a lot that Im beautiful .. ok not going there but I know Im a catch but even making him food in a nighty doesnt work he says wow babe thanks am like . My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. At least between us. she feels palpitation and jitters and she perspires just as the thought of it.. bottomline, my mom just wants companionship but my dad wants more. Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. My wife and me have been married 9 1/2 years and entered a phas of no sex about 6 months ago. She has owned her own retail furniture store for 10 years and has expressed her desire to sell and get a job until retirement. If your wife avoids intimacy and this lack of intimacy is beginning to take a toll on your marital bliss, it is time to have an honest conversation with your spouse. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant As sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, once told mbg, "There's a two-way relationship between relationship satisfaction and sexual desire.". You were something new, mysterious, independently confident, self-respecting, self-motivated and unpredictable. And LATINA. I cannot hurt him. Married 30 years now. Its ridiculous. We now live in a society that it is selfish or disrespectful for a man to insist or ask for sex. My wife will listen to my concerns about sex, but will not take hormone supplementation because of the science which indicates it can cause cancer in rare cases. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. So maybe try treating he how you did when first met. I suggest to you what I advised Frustrated see a therapist right away. Hes my best friend, the love of my life, an amazing Dad, my confidant and my everything. I must be cursed. I domt have to put up with that. Hi Theresa, I might even know you, you sound just like someone I know. I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. She basically views it as an immature fixation and that as a married man I should concentrate on more important things. Instead of focusing on harmful sentiments like, What to do when wife wont put out? try to work on the issues you two are having. So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. You are the problem/ Can you blame her? 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. I get you have energy for everyone but me. I have 2 nephews, age 6 & 7, from my brother 13 years younger than me. So I cheat. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Invariably, its a case of emotional intimacy missing. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. Good luck. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. My shower massagers has gotten me through years but it never will replace that hard feeling down inside me that I long for, yet believe now I will never feel again and Im only in my 50s. Color me confused. Except that one little thing. :(, Wow Chris D!! Take care. When a woman notices that you have an affinity for what she loves, she gets curious, thereby increasing her desire for you. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. Its incredibly painful!!!! Women provide fertility, nurturing, and resourcefulness. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. I read this article, and it sounds easy to find therapy/solutions. Ive considered a fuck-buddy, but I cant do that to her. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. Drying up was a major problem. Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. Just a thought. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. I think that for me I need the human touch of a mature woman. 7 years no sex!!! After everything a woman does in one day compare to what most lazy men would say. We had an active sex life and I miss the physical part of our lives. She know eccatly what shes doing. So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. Zimmerman also recommends getting some time away from the kids regularly so that you can re-immerse yourselves in your identities as individuals and as a couple outside of your roles as parents. Hormones. Hi, Nice advice. Sex ended, period. But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. Not sure what feels worse, not getting any or getting it with her just laying there. That doesnt mean you should not try, but know when trying is of no use. In my is own skin. Satan worked this into the sexual revolution and feminism (not that either were inherently bad) so that his message has overtaken THE Word of God that says tons of times to do it and do it often. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. I stumbled here because my wife shows or accepts zero affection , caring or appreciation. We are still asexually active and every time we see couples enjoying sex, it puts extreme sadness in our souls because we are faithful to our partner. Prior to that, for seven years, we would occasionally engage in oral, which was unsatisfying since it was one sided and felt mechanical. If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. We must have sex or blow up, not a choice. Addie What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving. After having surgery 2 years ago for testicular cancer my wife wont touch me. It may sound strange, but I actually take some comfort out of reading other peoples comments and stories: I am not alone I also dearly love my wife and would never leave her, but a sexless life (10+ years) is the sad reality. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. If only you could want . She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. No one wants to talk about it. I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! Married 50years and our sex life never really got going. Her duty? . Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. and hugs when one of us leaves the house. To me, hes practicing classic avoidance and he simply closes up emotionally. lol. What the heck! I started seeing sex workers. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. yeah, in the case of some women, there may be some other things going on w/ the bodywho knows. So, while some continue to coax and prod their spouses to get them in the mood, others resign to fate and either make peace with a sex-starved existence or look for gratification elsewhere. Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. It isnt about the phone or computer. Tell her how much I love her. Over the years this causes deep anger and then revulsion in the female. While some of the underlying factors can be weeded out with the right approach and mindset, others can be more damaging to the entire relationship. I cannot take any form of estrogen and I literally have lost all desire. But if neither of those possible remedies to the sexless marriage proves satisfactory, then perhaps the couple should agree to allow the husband to seek sex outside of the marriage. She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. Its only going to get worse. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Make time when you are both relaxed. And everyone under his authority flourishes. When you choose not to accept/care/act on it year after year, our desire disappears. Divorce is not an option, But when the second son moves out to college there is an option I take his bedroom AND there is an option I go on an extended car road trip for a few months. that you would love to have *that* him back in your life. On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you.
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